P.S. I Love You!

Well the upside of being home sick from work on a rainy day is watching one of my favourite movies...P.S. I Love You!

A woman left alone, having lost her husband, her first true love. After he passes away he leaves her with the most selfless gift of love ever to bestow on another, the gift of passage to a new life & ultimatley a new love! He leaves her a series of letters that she recieves at different times & in various ways. These letters celebrate their life together, notes of love, reminders of time spent together & also challenges for her to do. These letters offer distraction & a much needed reprieve from her grief . They guide her to a a place of peace and ultimatley into the arms of another man.

The ultimate gift of love!

If you haven't watched it, then please do!

Coolum Lookout!

Today we walked through the bush track at Coolum Beach. Leaf litter carpeted the sandy track that led to the lookout on the side of the rocky mountain. The sensations experienced whilst walking so close to the sea left me feeling in a state of peace, even though my heart had worked up a double, double beat like that from a angry drummer. I liked it, it felt good! The perfume of the sea, the cool breeze that periodically whisped past keeping me cool, the soothing sound of the waves seemed to fool my mind into thinking we weren’t actually exercising & left me wanting more. If it hadn’t been for the fact that my son wasn’t feeling well, my husband & I would have kept walking.Wouldn’t it be lovely to have the rolling sea in my back yard, nothing could keep me away from it. I would be exercising every day, no excuses. One day maybe!When we made it to the lookout, we paused for a brief rest, to take in the scenery & breathe in the cool, salty air. Breathing it in I could taste the salt on the back of my tongue. The sea rolled in over the rocks, forming rock pools below us. Looking out to the North we could see the coast line all the way up to Noosa. To the right there was not much coastline to see , just a rocky cliff. Directly below us I saw an elderly man having a swim. He was all alone. I was thinking to myself how wonderful it was that even though he was alone, he was still enjoying the joys that life has to offer. Whilst in this thought filled state, the man stood up & to my astonishment he was wearing nothing but his birthday suit. He was frolicking in the nude! All I could do was have a chuckle! How wonderful! Not only was he old & alone swimming in the sea. He was nude! Not a care in the world. He didn’t care about what anyone else was thinking! He was in the moment, loving life, swimming & soaking up lifes simple pleasures. I wish I had his confidence & carefree attitude!

Thank You!

I wonder!

I wonder if anyone has ever found my thinking place!

It has been very therapeutic for me being able to use this forum as an outlet. A place where I can express myself. There is one very special lady whom unwittingly led me to this place & for this I thank her.

Now it has become a habit. It's awoken a need within me....the need to write, for myself. It really is a re-discovery of sorts because I used to write all the time when I was younger.

So thank you kind lady, for sharing yourself with me & others like me. Thank you for leading me to this place.

In his Arms

I miss him. He still manages to have this affect on me even after all these years. I wait for his face to emerge in the doorway on the third day. As the time of his arrival draws near my heart beats a staccato beat of anticipation.
I can't imagine, nor do I want to, what it would feel like if he didn't come through that door again, the thought of this becoming a reality has my eyes swimming in tears.
I can't wait to wrap my arms around him, bury my face into the warmth of his chest & breathe him in. Holding him in my arms & being in his safe embrace leaves me feeling like there is nothing in the world that can harm me. In this moment all my worries are dissolved as if by magic.

23 Years!

Twenty-three years! We were just teens when we last saw each other.

A date had been set. This evening was going to happen. We were all going to meet again after twenty three years. I marked it on the calendar having made the decision to go.

A mixed pot of emotions bubbled within me the closer it came to the date. I longed to see them all again but feelings of anxiety were settling in & the oh so familiar inner voice of self sabotage was in full swing. I was thinking of all the reasons I shouldn't go. Thankfully the desire of wanting to see them all again was much stronger than my self defeatist thinking.

A glass of red shared in the company of beautiful friends, took the edge off my nerves, warming me & calming me a little, from within. We arrived and were greeted by a sea of friendly faces. They were the same easily recognizable faces from my past, they'd not changed much at all, they had matured gracefully, like the glass of red I had consumed before with my friends. They , just like the red, made me feel warm within & the residual anxiety within dissipated , leaving me feeling relaxed. So very happy to be there, experiencing this wonderful moment. There were kisses & embraces as we met and I was emotionally moved but managed to fight off the tears. I am such a sentimental old fool!

There was an easy camaraderie between us all. We seemed to fall into some kind of a familiar groove that had been left open from many years ago. We settled into an evening of affectionate bantering, laughter & wonderful conversation. It was fantastic, it was comfortable & it was safe. I didn't want it to end.

I am so glad of this night, so happy that I went & feel so fortunate to have had a past filled with such beautiful friends.
I do hope that this is the first of many more get togethers. I loved it & I loved being with them!

A love lost!

He spoke of her with such warmth. Remembering his last moments with her in this world, describing to me their last embrace, her last breath & how he felt relief that she was no longer trapped in this pain filled state. How she passed peacefully & with a calm that could be physically felt by the few that were with her at this time.
He tells me how beautiful she was, how much he loved her, cared for her & without having to say the words, he told me how much he misses her.
He has her name forever etched in his skin, a tattoo of her name that he will wear proudly & with love for the remainder of his life. A memorial to their marriage, to the intimacies shared, to the life they'd made together. She is in his skin, in his heart & forever in his mind.
My heart went out to him! I wished this had never happened to him & to his gorgeous girls. He is amazing, he is strong & he is a good man! I am certain his wife is proud! Very proud of her man!

Time

I sit here now, in my flannys, my witchy woman hair all over the place & feeling tired but still not tired enough for bed. I am remembering times of long ago. Moments of time prompted by the faces I see before me on the screen. Some moments lack clarity but others play back like re-play on a dvd.
I never thought I would ever feel this way, but time, the passage of time, scares me. Maybe this is because of the work I've done. The things I've seen, the stories I've heard & the experiences I am having today with a few of my clients.
When I was 20 I used to think 40 was old. I know it is warped thinking to think this way but with each tick of the clock, life is being carried away. There is an urgency to make my life matter & to make it better. To live & to experience more.
For many years we became stagnant in our existance. Settling for ' whatever' & whatever is in no way enough. It is not the wanting of material things that I speak of....it's more moments spent with family & friends, experiencing more sun rises & sunsets in different destinations, visiting & experiencing places I've not seen before. I want to smell, see, taste & feel new things. No more waste...I must use what I have whilst I have it!

Cravings!

Cravings! An intense desire for some particular thing! We all crave! Crave for food, for affection, for love, for attention, for possessions, for more money, for a better career or for a certain lifestyle!

It's these cravings that keep us hungry, hungry to keep pursuing whatever it is that we hunger. What I crave is peace! Serenity & peace of mind. I crave harmonious relationships with those lives intertwined with mine.
I believe that life is way too short & fragile in it's unpredictability to waste energies on anything else. Losing someone you have cared for, when you've experienced that close acquaintance with another in the form of an intimate relationship or friendship & then it's lost, you learn. You learn in the worst way possible about life & the preciousness of it.

Love

Love ... all encompassing! In the beginning it was a new & exciting feeling. A feeling or emotion that warranted further exploration. So I explored! I explored & made a life altering discovery! The discovery of anothers love. I've built my life around him & he has around me. We've created life together, we've weathered the storms that life has thrown our way. We have lived & we've learned.
We are not perfect, we are what we are! We fight, we laugh, we cry, we cringe, we cuddle & we love!
My life has been truly blessed. I've loved & I've been loved.