Little Girl Lost!

I can see her!

The little one of all those years ago.

I see her black curly hair, her cheeky blue eyes & her little face that was speckled with freckles from hours playing out in the QLD sun!

She had so much excitable energy, an innocence that only a child can possess & all this was budled up in one little parcel that was Katherine.

She was not like her sister, whom was pretty, smart & sweet in nature.

She was a tom boy ... a little girl that loved playing in mud, catching bugs, building cubbies & climbling trees.

Her childhood was one big imaginarium of fun & games.

She loved escaping into her world of make believe.

One day she was Freda from Abba, another she was a vet, an explorer, a doctor, a nurse, a teacher, a builder ... you name it, she was it!

Everything was an adventure. An exciting & new experience.

Thoughts of inadequacy, of self doubt, of self loathing were a non issue in those days, cause they simply didn't exist.

I wonder to myself where these self depreciating thoughts began.

I wonder how a child whom was raised in a calm & loving enviroment by a wonderful mother could via away from the confident, carefree child of all those years ago!

I think that excitable, adventurous little girl is still in there

If I can just peel away the layers I think I may find that she is still & buried beneath, I may just find her!

Wouldn't it be just grande if there was a pill to restore, self respect & self worth?

I guess that would be too easy & there would be no lessons to be learned from a quick fix like that!

I will find her!

I love life!

What is that I hear? What I hear is nothing! Nothing but the rustling of the wind through the palms, the clock on the wall & the fridge motor. Oh, how I love being on my own.

Time spent with myself is always cherished as it doesn't happen all that often these days. It is nice to be able to be with ones self & not be distracted by what's happening around.

As I sit here & sip on a freshly brewed coffee .... I reflect on people from my past, some of whom are still with me in the present. I think about the what if's, the if only's, the should have's & the would have's. Then I smack myself back into reality & remember what is! And, what is, is pretty damn good.

I may not live a lavish existence, I may not travel abroad & I may not live in a flashy suburb. All these things pale into unimportance when I remember what I do have. And what I do have is priceless. Not replaceable...once lost! Then I begin to think about the what's possible!
And anything is possible! Possibilities are really endless...the future is yet to be written. I love knowing this .... an empty canvass ... a palate of colour ... endless possibitlies! I really do love life!!

~ The Secret Millionaire ~

With lump in throat & tears welling in my eyes, I'm all choked up from the new show that started on TV tonight. The Secret Millionaire! What an awesome show! It would be a wonderful to be able to do something like this for those most needy in our community.

Having worked for years out in the community, in the homes of others. I have a level of understanding of how important these monotary gifts would mean to these wondeful people & to the people that they support.

It is easy, when your not exposed to the misfortune of others , to pass judgment or turn an eye to what is happening . A case of ignorance is bliss & what you don't know can't hurt you.

Whilst watching this show I felt ashamed that I am not doing more to help others who are less fortunate than myself. I think it would do us all well to spend time helping others in need. I'm sure such an experience would open the hearts & the minds of people.

The Birth of a New Day!

What to Do....What to Do! Another day gone, another beginning!

It's an early rise for me this morning. Not forcibly so but by choice.
The morning sun is filtering through the timber blinds, catching the dust particles as it passes through & warming my back. It is so quiet I can hear the birdlife outside, through the closed window panes. So beautiful! How I love to listen to the birds. I think to myself how much we need to be more like birds & greet the day more like they do with a song in our heart. Happy at the birth of a new day.

I remember the hazy skies & warm winds that blew all day yesterday & pray that the stillness of the tress outside are an indicator that yesterday will not be replicated today. Yesterday left me with a depressive feeling ... the air was awful to breathe & it felt like there was a heavy blanket lying over the top me most of the day, keeping my mood supressed.

My husband has gone early today so I lay here by myself mulling over many thoughts in my head. Christmas is afoot & I think it is only 10 or so weeks away. I know everyone says this but how scary is that. Another year almost gone. The year 2009 is almost over. I think to myself where the bloody hell did it go.

I want things to slow down a tad. How come as a child a day seemed like a week, a week like a month & a month like a year. Bring me back those days! Time is what we all need more of & to me this seems quite bizarre in this age & time. We live in a world with so many conveniences, electric time saving devices, more fast & efficient ways of doing things. All of this is supposed to give us more time but does it? Nup, it doesn't!

I often think to myself I that I was born a generation or 2 too late. I feel like I am more of an old world type of person. I think that my personality would have suited less technologically advanced times.

Well , there is no harm in the art of pondering. My reality is the here & now. I have made a concious decision to be like the birds singing outside my window & greet this day with a song in my heart. Tweet! Tweet!