After reading the most recent post of a fellow blogger @ The Disconnected Writer I got to thinking about my own mentality.... and the way I see myself as a person.
I am not a very self assured person & I'm always doubting my own abilities . I'm not the type that exudes confidence and my own self-sabotaging way thinking has held me back from being the best 'self' that I can be. I am very aware of it & hate this trait in me.I've had so many opportunities pass me by and each one of them I regret. I wish I could travel back in time and respond differently, no matter how scary and unsure it felt at the time. I really hate being this way and really want to change.... but how?
I guess the answer lies within myself... I am the only person who can change my own warped self-perception and embrace all that life has to offer.
What I find very difficult to grasp is that I see this self-defeatist thinking occurring in others around me and I'm quick to offer uplifting & encouraging advice. I can love & appreciate the abilities in others very readily, but I can't do the same for myself.
I think it is way past due that I work harder on this flaw in my personality. I don't want to have just existed for others. That is not to say that they are less important than me but I think it's about time I loved myself & my time on this earth enough to make these changes and live my best possible life.
Kath: Wonderful post, and I am humbled. Doing for others is so important to our meaningfulness in life. But we are at a disadvantage when helping others if we are not on solid ground. We build homes from the bottom up, not the roof down. You are a solid foundation, and I am pleased to know you.
ReplyDeleteThank you kindly JJ.. I too am pleased to know you. Thank you so much for saying so!
ReplyDeleteI would have thought you were very self assured. You are a very accomplished writer and alot of people really enjoy your blog. But I understand that sometimes we can be our own worst critic. I know I am am that way with myself. I'm much harder on myself when I make a mistake than anyone else would ever be. I think we need to give ourselves a break sometimes and accept ourselves for who we are : )
ReplyDeletei hear you...you are right we are the only ones that can change our self perceptions...and in doing so change the entire direction of our lives...
ReplyDeleteThank you Ladycat I appreciate your comment very much. I love to write and I find it a great form of expression & escape. I do accept myself on the most part, it's just that I wish I was a bit more confident within myself & my abilities. I have let wonderful opportunities pass me by because of my lack of confidence. I really want to say yes but there is this little voice that says .... oh no you better not, it may not work out!! It's silly, I know. I know that it is better to try and fail than not to have tried at all. Hope you have a wonderful weekend Ladycat!
ReplyDelete:) me too Katherine...
ReplyDeleteme too.
Yes it's true Brian...thanks for your kind words! I really do appreciate your visits to my blog!
ReplyDeleteHi Michelle.. I'm sure there are many of us guilty of thinking the same way. I hope all is well in your neck of the woods.
ReplyDeletehi Katherine..
ReplyDeletesorry to hear you feel this way.. but im really not that surprised.. you are a writer and good writers are filled with self-doubt(it's the crap writers who think they are so great). Doubt is great for writing.
But i think it extends beyond this for you.. perhaps we are quite similiar.. you like helping people..you go out of your way for others..often neglecting yourself.. (and lets face it, it doesnt come back the other way very often.. but when it does, you probably say, I'm ok..)..
Spoil yourself occasionally.. why not.. youve had a tough road.. you deserve it..
I know how you feel...
xo
Oh thank you so much Anthony for your warm & empathetic comment. Your understanding words formed a lump in my throat.
ReplyDeleteI don't want people to think that I am unhappy in every aspect of my life because I'm not. I have a busy and full life but for reasons beyond my own comprehension I retreat when certain opportunities are offered to me even though I really would love to grab the bull by the horns, so to speak, and run with it!!
I have been this way for as long as I can remember and I am really not sure why it is that I am this way. It is frustrating!!
I think you pinned me Anthony! I am just as you say but it is no one elses fault but my own.
I am ready for change now and it's not going to be easy but it's time!!!
Great post Katherine. It's good to be able to realize our weaknesses - they're a part of us and (sometimes surprisingly) people still love us, regardless.
ReplyDeleteI think we all have a fatal flaw (not fatal in the usual sense, but something that keeps us less than entirely whole). I believe that's by design so none of us should think ourselves perfect (phew, I've met some people who THINK they are !) - we all have something we need to work on. For some it's a lack of confidence, for others it's a lack of humility ... and the list is endless.
When the next opportunity comes along and your little voice starts with the negatives - carpe diem - and get those around you to support you !
Howdy Rick.. that was so aptly worded..Your right, it's like there is a piece missing in the jigsaw that is ME! I am humbled by the kindness offered by yourself and my other readers, it's been heartwarming. Gracias mi amigo .. Carpe Diem!
ReplyDeleteI love how you place the responsability for change on your shoulders...very wise my friend. Change really does start within;)
ReplyDeleteSo glad you gave me this link.
cheers
Hi David .. thanks for popping over for a read & I'm pleased you came. Looking forward to reading some more from your blog!
ReplyDelete