My "Mama Guilt Monday"

The first thing that springs to mind when I think of guilt in relation to my children, would have to be the day I failed to pick the boys up from school on time.

This happened about about 15 years ago. I had worked almost a weeks worth of night shifts nursing, it was the middle of an Queensland summer. I set the alarm (at least I thought I had), had a shower & went to bed in my underwear. I drifted off into the deepest of sleeps.

When I awoke, I looked at the clock & to my shock it was 4:15 & my sons who were only 6 & 8 at the time were still at school. I should have picked them up at 3pm. I jumped out of bed, heart pounding a hundred miles, put on a dress as I was running up the hallway to get the keys. I jumped in the car & took off to get my boys. I cried all the way there, thinking I was the absolute worst mother in the world. Having thoughts like, someone could have taken my boys, I hope they didn't try and walk home by themselves, they could be lost (well...you get the drift) I was freaking out, BIG TIME!

I arrived at the school & the boys weren't waiting in the waiting zone. I ran to their class rooms which were all locked up. By now I was in full panic mode. I then ran down to the administration block, knocked on the door & the school principal opened the door. The principal name was Mike. Mike said "Hi Katherine. Are you OK? (I had snarbies running from my nose & my face was wet with tears)... Are you looking for you 2 little gentleman? I answered yes & was still crying. He stood away from the door & behind him sitting in the reception lounge were my 2 little boys. They were smiling & laughing, with not a worry in the world. Mike said, "They are fine, they came to the office when you didn't arrive. They said that is what Mummy had always told them to do."

I said to Mike..." How stupid of me! I have prepared them for a day like this, they did what I've drilled into them to do if I came late... and silly me, I go looking for them everywhere else but where I had told them to go. What a goose!"

Fortunately for me I had a good relationship with the principal, he was a lovely man. He said to me (knowing that I was now working night shifts)... "Did you sleep in Katherine?" I replied with a Yes.

He gave me a hug & as he did he said," Have you had a look at yourself?"

I looked down & saw that I had my dress on, inside out & back to front. I felt like a real twit & I shared these thoughts with him. He just laughed & I laughed with him. Needless to say... I never, ever did it again!

But the guilt I felt was terrible. I would never have forgiven myself is anything had ever happened to my little cherubs.